*These Words Ring True for Us All: We Are a Course in Miracles: We are Shining Stars
FROM MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Last evening We were gathered in the church basement speaking together about common values. A young child asked,
“What was the scariest moment that you faced when you were homeless? What disturbed you more than at any time when you were on the streets?”
Before I answer this precise and articulate question we must remind ourselves that all of us are special even when we refuse to accept this mantle. All life is a precious, irreplaceable gift. We are all angels given to all the world to sing in “perfect harmony.” Despite our frailties and diminished state of life we are grateful eternally for the gift of life. I am more grateful for the girl’s provocative question stirring deep chords in the web of the inner consciousness of my being.
“i was in a coma. I had lost my sense of touch, of awareness, of consciousness for a week. I was intubated. I was in Intensive Care. I was in a separate space where people who knew me walked in and I was oblivious to their existence. I completely forgot everything. I lost those days completely. It was not the only time because I had practiced several times trying to end my life. I was found in my one room a number 105 at 1205 Washington St by a man who had been homeless and worked for the Denver Voice Newspaper, Laray. He persuaded them to force entry to the room. There I was in a pool of my almost lifeless body.
I had lost all sense of purpose and reason. I had lost all hope. I had lost all courage to prevail. My life had been forfeited by a lack of spiritual sustenance. I had forgotten from where I had come and who I was. I had lost touch with my ancestors. I had forgotten who I am.”
“These lost hopes and prayers, these lost dreams and aspirations confusing and terrorizing every atom of my being was the worst, most difficult and complete “Darkest Night of the Soul,” that could be and was ever uttered. For to forget, to lose one’s way, to give up and to throw away a life is unforgivable. I was leaving behind children, two beautiful daughters and a beautiful son. I was forgetting the family and the wishes that others would share that I keep faith and watch over them. Turning in in this way was a far more deep and painful blow than any that could have been possible by simply being without a safe place to live.”
The crucible of life is that we live fully and that we forgive our transgressions as we at the same time forgive those who have transgressed against us. The crucible is that we live with despair as a living witness to the waters of life that run through us and overcome the doubt with the miracle of being given this gift of life. There is no turning around. We will die, just not now, not here, but when we are ready and when we have breathed the last breath.
I cursed Laray and the paramedics and the people who watched over me. I wanted to die. I practiced dying, trying to escape. I gave up believing in this world and the opportunities that I have been given. Now 3000 people’s lives were forfeited without the slightest opportunity for them to live in September 11, 2001. Yes, this was the day after I was released from the hospital and all I could do is ask why?
Why have I been spared and these innocent lives were taken? Why, what is the course of miracles? It is to forgive oneself for the agony, the misery, the loss, to rise, to walk on with dignity and grace, to realize that we all belong, that we all are powerful beyond measure and that our lives are here for a purpose, never to give up, never to cling to doubt and uncertainty, that we belong here.