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November 20, 2016

Spent   –   A  Life Worth Living

Spent at a loss for any real reason to fit to be a part to go on to sustain this folly of being here languishing in murky musty dark shadows of a former life


losing the will to do anything standing running bearing weight supporting ones meager existence living scared  like there were no other ways to live in light but staying below in caverns of recesses of being

scared turning away feeling afraid when a challenge occurred blighted by default

leaving common ways  places that we knew no one could help encouraging  longing to be gone free from ever feeling this was cast in me at birth

that I did not belong or feel wanted


you came to me and sensed that I was going down covered me with a poncho held me tight caressed my back held my hands

washed my feet changed my diet of insolent malevolence tenderly watched over me provided a place to hold be secure rest easily knowing that I am never alone

taking time to make a place as a sanctuary for whatever was best not wondering how or why distinctly believing that it was an honor a privilege sensing that it was possible to be lifted up  restored held to a standard of excellence that never settled down


for these gifts we have emerged to bask in light that warms dries out senseless deep fathoms of remorse lets go of judging that you are best or never more


There are no ways to ask for forgiveness to say I thank you enough  with utter sense of longing for your face to smile on me and give me loving abiding grace


whispering at first these words filling my heart with elation and certitude I rose at crackling down shared my jubilation  my pleasure at knowing that you are here and that you are the  part of my life that matters most you are the sun wind and more that validation that if you would walk across my bridge I would be gladly face the wind and rain the sun and all tempests with love for a thousand years knowing that you loved me


never wondering whether you would once again lie down with your head nestled on my chest our breathing curled together in rhapsody of a chorus of delight that you merged your life somehow with me finding me and keeping me when I knew that I was a mess a scoundrel a waif relentlessly using up the natural resources and gifts that were freely offered always suffering feeling suffocated by guilt for whatever transgression had gone on long ago

you never gave up you know what you mean to me and all I touch you make all of this possible with your resilient spirit unbridled by bits or halters blinders or stories of my pathetic life


for good never forget that you were here when I did not feel at all and turned away looked into the wall and prayed that i would at last disappear you remember never turn away even when I have been in hell


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