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Ultimate Issues of Profound Loss and Tragedy of Remembering What We Failed to Do When the Person Was With Us

August 3, 2017

Ultimate Issues of Profound Loss and the tragedy of Remembering What We Failed to Do When the Person Was Here


“There cannot be enough said about planning for the inevitable end of our lives.  We are responsible for what we do in this time here and however we choose to die.  We need a plan to execute and someone to be in charge of estate plans and assets, even if these are meager. We have to decide how we will dispose of our remains and choose a person to take care of the disbursement of the estate.  These inevitable issues are as significant as the inception of our lives”.


As for the form of grief it is multi-faceted and personal.  People lose loved ones in distinct profound ways that remain long after the sting and shock of the loss have passed. We need to be accepting that this is a path that allows us to understand our finitude and resolutely accept what is inevitable.


“Everyone. Please take a moment and make very clear, in writing if possible, what you want done with yourself and your possessions in the event of your passing.

Been helping a friend through illness which turned out to be incurable. She is in hospice, unable to communicate, and long estranged family has stepped in and overturned everything I thought she wanted. She was never going to die, so she never made her wishes clear. I cannot do anything more than argue and I don’t want to do that too much. I know they are hurting too and probably feeling guilty for not being more in touch with their last Aunt.

Part of me says, “what does it matter what happens to the physical remains after someone is gone” and part of me (the larger part) says, “she didn’t ever want to leave Colorado. Coming home for Xmas (though not for the last 20 years) doesn’t mean she wants to come “home” now.” This is her home. Her friends are her family.

Feeling double guilty because I took the time to find her relatives, through detective work, and contact them and encourage them to be here, after she said she would be OK with that.

I am sad, guilty, helpless, angry, grieving and really more emotions than one brain can handle at one time. I am not a prayer person, but any positive energy or vibes you care to send are appreciated. I could use some sleep, too, if you have any to spare.”

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